Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
