and i looked up. we had an audience...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize