alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
