You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
