just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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