you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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