I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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