my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
