a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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