Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
