Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
