I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
