you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You may now shotgun with the bride
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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