RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
