I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize