i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
