dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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