Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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