I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's Friday. Sex?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
