loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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