i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
