My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
