yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize