Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's shark week go big or go home
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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