3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
