Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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