If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
