$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
