It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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