I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
