the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My penis needs a shock collar
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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