He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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