Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
