We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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