I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
