Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
