Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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