Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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