Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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