The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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