You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
