I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
