Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
