I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize