Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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