She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
