saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
