Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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