WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
