Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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