I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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