I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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