Farmville is her only friend.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
