You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
