Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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