Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
