Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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