it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
In America we eat man semen.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
