Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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