Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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