So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
