Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
