he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
