dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
