i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
