We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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