I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
