i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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