She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
