that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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