so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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