dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
